I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
