he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
