ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
