I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
