I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
