Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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