i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
