i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
