Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
