In the future we'll all be gay
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
