If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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