the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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