sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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