I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
