Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
