yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
