I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
