Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
