I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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