I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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