i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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