Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
