A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
