the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Come see our sink grown plant.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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