I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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