well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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