I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
