Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
