You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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