I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
