why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
