Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
