I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
