Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sext me about skeletons
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