tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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