We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
