who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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