Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
