Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Your mouth is God's brothel.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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