I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also, beer. Big fan.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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