Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
