If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
