Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
