I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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