So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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