dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
