We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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