Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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