i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
