thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
That's when you crack a 10am beer
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
