Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
