Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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