Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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