Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
