Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
