ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
