I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
